Bobby's WW2 story:

"When I was flying my plane bombing civilian homes I saw this one little farmer running. I decided I wanted his blood. I flew low and blew up his farm with a bomb. I followed him shooting like mad. I just couldn't hit a man with small bullets from so high. So I dropped my last bomb. The force knocked him down but I wanted him to die in the the fire of the explosion so I landed and nursed him back to conciousness. I took him back to base where I got another 2 bombs for my plane, one with this farmer strapped to it. I flew up into the sky firing once more at civilians. He watched in horror as his friends got shot down. I assume the machine guns defenned him. I decided to drop the bomb with him attached to it on a sewage plant so all the sewage would flood the city! But the bomb wouldn't drop, it was stuck. So I aimed the plane at the ground and jumped out. It smashed into the ground and blew up! I then landed unarmed in what I could make out to be a peaceful marketplace in France, they didn't even hear the explotion miles away and since the French were our alies in WW2 they didn't expect my attack. I used my dog-tags to strangle every one of those merchants and have killed anybody associated with supplying products or service in exchange for money ever since just like those French Nazis I killed."

Check out the list of rejected running mates:

• Martin Sheen star of Apocalypse Now!
• Howard Stern
• Kathy-Lee Gifford
• Regis Philman; he's only one man!
• Beavis; animation can't hold office
• The guy who invented those Sim City games. I think his name is Mick something.
• Nixon
• Satan
• Hades
• The Devil
• Mephistopheles
• Joe Montana

What Dole would have done for America if he had won:

• He'd give you all a copy of Jagged Little Pill. That Alanis strikes a cord with Dole.
• He would have started another 2 wars during my first term then another one in the second. They would all be with Commies, and he'd draft Clinton so he'd have to fight against Commies for a change.
• He would have sold certain states to the highest bidder.
• Used his influence to get his own NBC sitcom about being mean to kids.
• Victory party would include bear bating.
• He'd make Supergolfe the nationnal sport. Though it was thought up and developed by the French entirely.
• Steak! Dole wants a juicey steak!
• Bacon! Dole wants juicey bacon!
• Subway restaurant in the White House. Dole did commercials for Subway a few years back.
• Abolish education.
• Open a deli. Bacon.

Victory Speech:

Tyrannical laughing followed by flaming skulls and pyrotechnics.

Dole's opinions on burning issues:

• Cloning; Dole doesn't like it.
• Taxes; war tax would be the only tax Dole would charge you! To hell with repairing roads and all that garbage!
• Death Penalty; get it for everything, even littering and J walking.
• Cops; give them more weapons! Turn the streets into a battlefield!
• Polution; keep it coming! Dole loves smog! Dole hates trees! Dole hates non-attacking, non-war animals!