In case you didn't know Heaven's Little Bastard is internationnal action star John Chang's biggest movie in the US and Russia. It stars John Chang as John Chang, a normal man with normal fears and feelings opposed to the coruption of his once moral Las Vegas. Billy Bob Thorton (star of Armageddon) plays John Lee, an evil pimp who gets to greedy.

PLOT:

John Chang is tortured man, having never been able to kill the man who killed his father. Living in Las Vegas, the scum capital of the world the only comforts he finds is in his daughter Vanessa and in playing Girls Just Wanna Have Fun while using a flame thrower to exterminate cats from his precious Vegas. Chang has been opposed to John Lee's 60 story whore house since it openned across the street to his house. Chang, a forgiveing man lets Lee go about his buisness until Lee kidnaps his daughter! "That puts the zap on Chang's ass!" Chang exlaimes as he jumps on his motorcycle in a huff and rides at 80 mph across the street where he is finally face to face with the evil building he'd only read about in the newspapers. Like Kung Fu, the video game Heaven's Little Bastard is based on Chang must fight his way through each floor of the 60 story bordello to fight John Lee for his daughter back, and for fun. He only has two pistols with gold cobras on the sides, but Chang only uses guns when his opponents have guns. Once he gets in the building the action begins!

Floor 1- Chang must fight Ophelia, the triple jointed ex-gymnast whore

Floor 2 "The Whores with Guns Floor"-A gripping shoot out scene.

Floor 3- Chang must fight movie-type assasin guys one with a shaved head, one with a pony tail, both all in black with sneers on their faces. Movie assasins focus on volume as opposed to real assasins that focus on perscision so a lot of bullets fly in this scene. For some reason this floor is also a chapel.

Floor 4- Chang jams with Aerosmith.

Floor 5- Chang must fight "Chainsaw Charlie" who's only weapon is a drill.

Floor 6- Chang just walks through this floor in slow motion and a techno song plays with rose petals fall from the ceiling and sureal lighting effects are experimented with.

Floor 7- Whores that know how to use throwing knives.

Floor 8- Chang runs into Charlie Sheen, of all the places!, and kills him by shoving a ski through his head.

Floor 9- A brutal shoot out only the bad guys dress like Jesus making it an inner conflict of Chang's on whether to shoot them or not. He does.

Floor 10- Chang tries on different outfits and does impersonations of other characters in his band, Meatloaf and Elton John make guest appearances.

Floor 11- Chang kills a guy by shoving Monopoly houses in his eyes.

Floor 12- A speed boat chase, for some reason this floor is also decorated like a chapel only with lots of mirrors.

Floor 13- Chang kills a ninja with a staple gun.

Floor 14- Chang shoots a corrupt cop who tells Chang he was his long lost brother before he died.

Floor 15- Chang reads a passage from Hamlet to kill a guy.

Floor 16- A shoot out in room full of mirrors.

Floor 17- Chang sees a photo of Bryan Adams bringing back the painful memory of his father getting shot at a Tom Cochrane concert.

Floor 18- Chang encounters cyberwhore, he tries to reprogram her to serve his purposes but it can't be done so Chang must fight cyberwhore!

Floor 19- Chang must kill his a sheep to prove he's worthy of a New Zealandic club he wants to join.

Floor 20- A shoot out in chapel type floor, only this time Chang is shooting armless girls with no weapons of any kind.

Floor 21- A giant boulder chases Chang but it turns out to be a big cocaine rock so he snorts it down to size!

Floor 22- John Chang smokes a joint with some Russian Jamacans.

Floor 23- Giant monitors of John Lee cackling with Vanessa Chang serving him in chains. John Cahng destroys the monitors and realizes time is of the essence so he decides to skip to floors. It's never explained why he gets off at every floor to fight when he could take the elevator to the top.

Floor 25- Chang writes his girlfriend an e-mail full of racist jokes, this does not help his mission. He detonates the computer after sending the e-mail, inside the computer is the "hamster of fate" that tells Chang "Do or do not, there is no Roxette. Musta been love but its over nowwww!" and then dies. Chang realizes that these words mean Lee killed his father!

Floor 26- Chang fights the pogo whores, he finds them remarkably easy to knock off balance.

Floor 27- Chang beats the living shit out of his potery class teacher's retarded son. Chang justifies it by saying he crossed over into the dark side by living in Lee's love shack of doom!

Floor 28- Hell pimps shoot flaming bitch slaps at Chang but Chang shoots them in the feet.

Floor 29- Chang takes a piss.

Floor 30- Chang takes a break to listen to Starship's No Protection album and it takes him to flashback of the 80s and how much cheaper Nike stuff was, this enfuriates Chang.

Floor 31- Chang's zen ways help him find the way to shoot a dead man so that he comes back to life for another Kung-Fu fight.

Floor 32- Chang fights the whores disguised as pimps.

Floor 33- Chang smokes a joint with Russian snowboarders.

Floor 34- Chang finds no one to fight on this floor so Aerosmith play and Chang grooves with go-go dancers.

Floor 35- Good lord Chang must fight the "hose whores", all they do is spray him, but Chang spent a lot of money on his new ass kickin' shoes and gets pissed when they get wet so he fires a rocket up all of their asses.

Floor 36- Chang kicks the guy who invented Sim City out a window.

Floor 37- Chang passes out from over ass kicking and wakes up on

Floor 39- Chang has an odd hang over and some interesting peircings he doesn't remeber getting. He finds a tape recording of Lee cackling "It seems my men have pierced you Mr. Chang! But don't worry, you're the man cool guy." Chang likes his house keys being right by his niple where he knows he can never lose them.

Floor 40- Chang beats an old man to death and then exlaims "Old enough for ya!?!?" only to find it lacked in action movie line irony.

Floor 41- Chang finds himself on the dinner party floor and notices the dinner folk are very interested in his radical beliefs of "shooting all pedestrians on premis alone". He becomes aware that they are trying to poison him and refuses the wine from the different bottle than every one else is drinking from and when he does a guy pulls a knife but Chang gauges his eyes out and shoves them up his ass.

Floor 42- Only 18 more floors to go. Time to jam with Jimmy Page and throw pebbles at an obeise kid wearing a shirt that says "big fun".

Floor 43- Chang fights the "sub zero whores" he takes out his lighter and farts into it creating a giant flame burst that melts them all leaving only black plastic boots which Chang licks due to fetish.

Floor 44- Chang must fight pimps armed with media equipment. At one point he shoves a boon mic through a guys chest and waves him around victoriously like a flag.

Floor 45- A shoot out only on this floor the whores and pimps have magnetic boots, this would normally put Chang at an advantage but the magnetic floor rip the piercings from his nipples and genitals causing him displeasure, Chang hates displeasure!

Floor 46- Chang catches his old high-school principal/uncle with a whore. Chang spares the whore's life.

Floor 47- Chang takes a minute to remember what he's fighting for. "...oh yes, my daughter. Lee shall pay in blood! God I loved Face/Off."

Floor 48- Chang finds all the ninjas on this floor already died. He investes and finds it was from food poisoning. Chang licks their boots and goes on.

Floor 49- A shoot out in a warehouse type floor. This is the floor where they store the spare parts for the cyberwhores so Chang uses a spare leg to give him three legs in the kicking of the hitmen's asses.

Floor 50- Sad music plays and Chang has flashbacks to his father dying in a shoot out on a speed boat/church that crashed into an oil rig/prison. Chang also has a fond memory of his nipple ring and plans to avenge its death most of all!

Floor 51- Chang fights a guys with an evil ice cream man with a lawn mower strapped to his chest. (played by Clint Howard, Ron Howard's hideous brother)

Floor 52- Chang electrocutes a once clean local paper boy turned eight year old pimp by attatching electrodes to his braces.

Floor 53- Chang kills the guy who invented Gatorade, as well as Hugh Grant.

Floor 54- A shoot in a room full of propane tanks and beef. Chang no like propane! Chang cooks the beef by sifling stomch acid onto it and then eating it. Propane sucks!

Floor 55- Chang takes an axe and kills the guy who invented axes for irony. Chang licks his cowboys boots with little axe shaped spirs on them and heads on.

Floor 56- Chang has a flashback to when Lee shot his father while taking him out on a routine carousel ride.

Floor 57- Chang gets drunk with some Scotish guys and then beats the piss out of them.

Floor 58- Chang busts lots of glass.

Floor 59- Chang fights "Billy Taffy" Lee's body guard. His arms are made out of taffy and get stuck on his own ass while grabbing it in pain after Chang kicked him. Chang whips him out the window and he lands on a parking lot lamp.

Floor 60- Lee has killed himself out of depression Chang was all psyched up so he fights his daughter to the death instead.